


You're Not You When You're Hungry

by Anonymous



Series: Momxiety Moments [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, It's hinted at the end, Parent Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Parental Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Platonic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Patton sighed.All he'd wanted was a quiet, calm morning.But apparently that was too much to ask for.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Momxiety Moments [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101350
Comments: 7
Kudos: 140
Collections: Anonymous





	You're Not You When You're Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, truthfully, I don't know what this is either... 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- arguing 
> 
> I don't think there's anything else, but if I've missed anything, please let me know.

Patton sighed.  
  
All he'd wanted was a quiet, calm morning.  
  
But apparently that was too much to ask for.  
  
They'd been at it for almost an hour now. He wasn't even sure what it was about anymore.  
  
The argument had started when Remus walked in the room, striding over to Janus, who had been lounging on the couch.  
  
"You _snake._ " He stabbed a finger at Janus' chest, tone accusatory.   
  
Janus had barely reacted, merely cracking an eye open to look at Remus, smug smirk plastered across his face.  
  
Oh, he had _definitely_ done something.  
  
"Stating the obvious, are we, Remus?"  
  
The Duke had only seemed to get angrier at that.  
  
"You know what I meant."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
"How could you?"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." Janus voice was silky-smooth, his face impassive, a sharp contrast to the quickly reddening complexion of the Duke's.  
  
Janus had sat up now, making a show of yawning and stretching exaggeratively. His dramatics could've put Roman to shame. Patton would've laughed, if he weren't so curious.  
  
"It was you. I know it was you."  
  
"What? What did I do?"  
  
Remus lost it. He strode forward once more, crowding himself into Janus' personal space. The Snake Side's nose wrinkled.  
  
"When was the last time you took a shower, Dookie?"  
  
Patton winced as Remus let out a long string of curses.  
  
Logan entered the Common Room, took one look at the exchange in the living room, before silently making a beeline over to Patton, who had been watching from the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee, before standing beside the Moral Side.  
  
"What seems to be the issue, Patton?" He asked, taking a sip from his mug.  
  
Patton shrugged, not taking his eyes off the scene. Janus had risen to his full height now which, admittedly, wasn't much taller than when he was sitting. Both he and Remus were yelling incoherently, straining to raise their voices above the other. It was creating quite the racket.  
  
"What about last week, when you finished my-"  
  
"I thought we said we were never bringing that up again!"  
  
"That was before you stole my-"  
  
"Good morning, plebians!" Roman made himself known in typical fashion, strutting down the stairs, looking much too awake for this early in the morning.  
  
He stopped short, surveying the chaos that was Janus and Remus. He raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow.  
  
"Ok. Timeout for thee and timeout for thee, focus on issues or focus on m-"  
  
Janus and Remus momentarily glanced up from where they were screaming in each other's faces.  
  
" _Shut up_!" They roared simultaneously.  
  
Roman reeled back, blinking as if stunned. He rolled his eyes, muttering a quick "rude" before joining Logan and Patton in spectating.  
  
"And let's not forget that time you-"  
  
"Oh, you're one to talk! You did exactly the same thing the week before!"  
  
"At least I was classy about it!"  
  
Roman pulled open the refrigerator door, rummaging for a few seconds before taking out one of his horrible green smoothies. Patton wrinkled his nose. Roman put _spinach_ in that thing. Who puts spinach in a smoothie? 

"Do we actually know what they're fighting about?" Roman asked, putting the bottle to his lips.  
  
"Unfortunately not, but I did hear the words pillowcase, fat-free yoghurt, and tax evasion, so it can't be anything normal," Logan replied, with a face that was far too straight for the words that had just left his mouth.  
  
Remus was emitting low growls now, and Janus had his fangs bared. They circled each other, looking ready to pounce at any second.  
  
"And then you said th-"  
  
"I didn't _not!_ That was you!"  
  
"How dare you! I wouldn't dream of ever-"  
  
"That's a lie and you know it!" 

"Oh, forgive me for staying true to my function!"  
  
Ok. _Someone_ needed to do something.  
  
"Roman, you have the loudest voice," Patton declared, ignoring the prince's indignant splutters.  
  
"B-but-" he gestured desperately at Logan. "What about him!"  
  
Logan didn't say a word, choosing instead to sip his coffee quietly. Before them, the fighting continued.  
  
"Oh, that's rich coming from you! Weren't you the one who-"  
  
Janus was cut off by Remus, who finally launched himself at him with a great battle cry. They both fell to the ground, wrestling each other violently.  
  
"You take that back!"  
  
"I will when you stop being such a-"  
  
"Don't even say it!"  
  
There was a flash of purple as Virgil came down the stairs and into the kitchen, not batting an eyelash at the chaos ensuing in the Common Room.  
  
He mumbled a greeting to the other three, putting the kettle on for his usual morning cup of tea, and rooting through the pantry, most likely for his box of strawberry Poptarts.  
  
"On the far right, kiddo," Patton said absently, eyes not leaving the fighting pair. 

Virgil nodded, mumbling a quick thank you. After a few seconds of searching, he held up a box in triumph, before pulling out a packet. Ripping the packet open with his teeth, he dropped the two tarts into the toaster, pressed down the lever, then pulled himself up onto the counter, taking his phone out.  
  
There was silence, before Roman finally broke.  
  
"Ok, how are you not at all bothered by that?" He gestured to the rapidly moving ball of yellow and green on the floor by the couch.  
  
"Hmm?" Virgil glanced up from his phone and blinked, eyes finally coming to rest on the disaster in the living room.  
  
Instead of the expected reaction, any sort of surprise whatsoever, Virgil gave an exasperated sigh, hopping off the counter and heading over to the brawling pair.  
  
He pulled what looked like a couple packets of animal crackers from his hoodie pocket and chucked them at Janus and Remus.  
  
The effect was instantaneous.  
  
The pair let go of each other, scrambling to grab the crackers lying on the floor beside them. Janus tore into the wrapping like a savage, rushing to stuff four crackers at once into his mouth, looking more like a hungry chipmunk than a snake now.  
  
Remus had forgone the unwrapping process, opting to just shove the entire thing in his mouth, plastic package and all.  
  
Both seemed to have completely forgotten about the fight from moments earlier.  
  
Virgil laughed, perking up at the sound of the toaster. He headed back into the kitchen, shaking his head in amusement.  
  
"How- how did you-" Logan's eyes were wide, and he was blinking fast. "What?"  
  
"Easy there," Virgil chuckled. "Don't malfunction on me, nerd."  
  
Patton gestured towards the two on the floor, who were munching happily on their snack. His jaw was practically on the floor.  
  
"They were screaming at each other like feral animals _two minutes_ ago!" His voice was pitched high with disbelief.  
  
Virgil shrugged.  
"You're not you when you're hungry."  
  
Before anyone else could say a word, Virgil poured water into his mug of tea, took his Poptarts, stuck them in his mouth, and headed off to sit on the couch.  
  
Patton watched as both Remus and Janus sidled up to him, the latter still eating his crackers. Virgil smiled, absentmindedly patting Remus' head when he tried to steal a bite of a Poptart. 

Roman gawked, turning to the other two in the kitchen. 

"Did he just quote a _Snickers_ _commercial?_ "

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end! I hope that my really bad attempt at humor at least made someone laugh. We all need smiles in times like these. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, let me know what you think! 
> 
> Have a wonderful day! <3


End file.
